Raising children is incredibly busy, and there are many days when you have so much to do that you can't relax. Even if you occasionally get some time to yourself, you might find yourself worrying about household matters or just catching up on chores, leaving you feeling like you haven't really had a break. Does that sound familiar?
Especially for conscientious parents who are fully committed to raising their children, it's common to feel somewhat guilty or restless when they take time for themselves and go out, ultimately preventing them from truly relaxing.
In such cases, let's try to shift our perspective a little: "Refreshing yourself = many benefits for both parents and children = a good thing!"
So, what exactly are the benefits of refreshing yourself?
The first thing that comes to mind is that relieving stress reduces irritation, which in turn leads to harmonious family relationships. This time, I'd like to go a step further and consider the message parents can convey to their children by taking time for themselves.
For children, it's important that their parents always seem happy in their daily lives. When parents appear happy, children believe that their parents enjoy being with them, which allows them to develop confidence in their own existence.
Create Boundaries Between Parent and Child
It's also not good for parents to pour all their energy into their children. It is only by clearly distinguishing between the child's world and their own that a healthy parent-child relationship can be built.
Even if they are parent and child, they are still separate individuals. If parents start to equate their own concerns with their child's concerns, the boundaries between them become blurred.
If parents constantly anticipate and do everything for their children during infancy and early childhood, or if they strongly suppress their children's desires, children will start looking to their parents' expressions to find the "right" answer.
For example, when choosing shoes or clothes. If a child chooses a color or item they like, and the parent repeatedly dismisses it by saying "Isn't that strange?" or subtly manipulates them with "Don't you think this one is better?", the child will lose confidence in their own opinions.
As this continues, children will express their thoughts and ideas less and less. However, from the parents' perspective, such a child is "obedient" or "good," and the parents may come to believe that their own thoughts are exactly what their child thinks.
Then, even after they gradually begin to develop their own world in elementary school and beyond, children may continue to expect their parents to do everything for them, be unable to make decisions for themselves and struggle to become independent, or conversely, show strong rebellion. This makes adolescence difficult to navigate.
To prevent this, parents should have their own core values, even a little, from infancy and early childhood. By doing so, they can maintain a sense of "children are children" and "I am me," allowing for an appropriate distance.
For that, it's important to have a personal world that's separate from the role of "mother" or "father," one that isn't swayed by external evaluations of your child. This can also be described as having your own unique core values.
Choose to respect yourself
To have a strong sense of self, it's necessary to take time for yourself. It would be great if you could consciously set aside time just for yourself. If you feel guilty about taking time for yourself or can't relax because you're worried about your children or household, try changing your mindset.
Some people might say it's hard to find any time for themselves. But what's important isn't just taking time; it's about putting yourself first. For those who find it difficult to make time to refresh, try to focus on yourself and make choices that respect your own needs.
For example, when preparing meals. When living with children, it's easy to prioritize their favorite dishes or choose restaurants where food can be shared, often putting your own preferences aside. If you struggle to find time to relax, why not dedicate a day to choosing what *you* like to eat? Another good idea is to choose body soap or shampoo for yourself, opting for your favorite scent. It doesn't have to be anything big; just start by choosing things around you with yourself at the center—things you like, things just for you.
Simply being conscious of making choices in your daily life that are for yourself, not for expenses or for your family, will change your mindset.
If you continue to put your own needs aside while your child is an infant or toddler, it will be difficult to suddenly cultivate your own world a few years later. Instead of thinking you'll prioritize yourself once parenting settles down, always remember to respect your own feelings.
If you wish for your child to live a joyful life with a smile on their face when they grow up, then we must first teach them to "take care of themselves."
To foster your child's ability to "enjoy their own life by their own efforts" and "live freely and authentically," parents should think of themselves as communicating this through their actions. Children learn by observing their parents. If they see their parents enjoying life every day, their vision of the future will also become brighter. Try to imagine what kind of life you want your child to lead in the future.If you want your child to grow up and be able to enjoy life, then you, as a parent, must first enjoy your own life. You are the closest adult who can convey the positive message for the future: "It's fun to be an adult!"
You cannot truly cherish someone else unless you first cherish yourself. To convey to your child that "everyone is a valuable individual," you must first recognize yourself as a valuable being. Let's start practicing this little by little, starting today!
Communicate "Take Care of Yourself" through Action